Patrick Mahomes’ Voice Continually Jump Scares Me

Jorden

I have watched a lot of football, which means in the past couple years I have watched a lot of Patrick Mahomes. Because I have watched a lot of Patrick Mahomes, I have watched a lot of Patrick Mahomes interviews. And I think it’s time for me to say that I sometimes get jump scared by Patrick Mahomes’ voice. Not like I’m watching that Exorcist commercial that somehow hasn’t been complained about by the Catholic Church.

I know it’s a joke to say “oh haha he sounds like Kermit,” and those jokes are right. But I can still genuinely not get over Patrick Mahomes’ voice every time I hear him speak. He has the most interesting voice in the NFL (at least of the players who get interviewed). But that is by no means a compliment. Most NFL players seem to have pretty normal voices, ranging into that voiceover baritone that would be valuable for voice acting. Hollywood, even during the strike, would not be calling Pat to star in the Polly Pocket movie (actual movie, this is not a funny line)

Usually I am prepared for what’s coming; like in middle school when you just started playing and you’re standing still to tackle the guy who hit his growth spurt in 4th grade. In rare cases, like yesterday, his voice actually causes me to jump a little with how out of place it is:

I don’t know if it was the contrast of Erin Andrews voice and just the immediate cut to him, but I did a little jolt out of my chair. And this isn’t a hate blog to Pat, the man is amazing to watch.

Patrick Mahomes is a generational quarterback, who already has the Hall of Fame locked and may be considered the best of all time in, realistically, a couple years (even though a lot of people are afraid to say that too early). It’s just I never expect his voice to sound like that.

I’m just imagining that Patrick Mahomes’ dad dipped him in the Rio Grande River as a baby but kept his larynx above water. The man can make passes that my brain still has trouble comprehending, but his voice has me contemplating my comprehension of reality.

There’s a part of me that feels badly writing this post, because I hate going after people for things they can’t change – like looks, family, etc. I could pull the online safety net and just say Brittany Mahomes is scared of Taylor Swift, or somehow use Jackson as a dunk. But this is the only real takeaway I had from the game. Also, I think that is a tired narrative. Broke: Brittany Mahomes is destroying the Chiefs. Woke: Patrick Mahomes is destroying postgame interviews.

I do think Pat should be the spokesman for Crumbl Cookies because they are both off-putting when you use your senses. Last joke: if there is a movie about the Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift love story it should definitely be a Muppet movie.

For more Moon Stamp coverage of the Out of the Woods love story, check out this blog.