No matter how I try to write about something else today, this saga keeps drawing me back in. I’ve already said I don’t care if Shohei gambled, and then issued an apology. There is just something about the Ohtani Ippei storyline that just enthralls me. Remember last football season when the entirety of the country was captivated (both wilfully and forcefully by football production directors) by Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift? This is my passion project. In a way, like Ippei, I can’t stop myself. And, yes, I went through the entire 37-page complaint against Ippei just to see what little tidbits I could extract.
The reason I felt the need to talk about this all again is because Ippei is the quintessential gambler. He is the perfect model. This man never stopped gambling, even when the odds were so against him that there was an incoming federal investigation. It’s not the $16 million in gambling debt he had. No, that would just be a hotline call that never happened. Especially because he just started betting with this guy in 2021. Maybe place that on the bookie for letting this guy just ride off Shohei’s monetary coattails. And it’s not even the fact that Ippei stole that money from Ohtani while just straight up pretending to be him.
There are a few reasons why Ippei is that guy. Like Lawrence Sonntag is the quintessential gamer, this man is the quintessential gambler. He embodies it. He lives is. But, most importantly, he is the best that the gambling community has to offer.
Honest Ippei
No, what makes Ippei the quintessential gambler is his complete and outstanding commitment to the bit. First, he is disturbingly open with his bookies. The stories about Ippei coming clean actually make a lot of sense to me now. The man made a gambling career of just being overtly positive and genuine with his bookies. Reading through the texts, I’ve identified three moments where I audibly laughed out loud. Three moments that showed me who Ippei was. Behind the mask of being an interpreter, this man lives in a mental casino, downing watered-down rum and cokes.
Every gambler can lose money, but the passion with which Ippei lost money needs to be studied. Belle-Delphine (verb) his joy and bottle it up and sell it to DraftKings.
He reminds me of the joy I had in 2013 finally discovering the joys of soccer. Sure, before I had beat the American drum calling it Commie-ball and disrespecting 5’6 men (I’m sorry short kings, I became one of you). I was a deeply closeted soccer fan. And like Ippei, I discovered the joys of the beautiful game. Now, I haven’t lost money on UCLA, but I have found myself watching an Indonesian league match at 3 am.
The next moment when Ippei just came out and said he was bad at gambling. This was a year and a half after he began betting with this bookie. Telling your bookie you’re horrible at gambling feels like telling a crooked veterinarian that you have a tranq problem and wish they could help you.
I’m going to put this one out there – Ippei may be a master manipulator. Or he just has amazing rhetorical skills. How do you get your bookie to bump your line without causing any issues? First, make a self-deprecating joke. Then, ask for what you want after mentally disarming your opponent. Finally, reaffirm your commitment and trustworthiness. If Ippei is stupid or if he’s brilliant, just a great move by the quintessential gambler.
Finally, a true gambler doesn’t just bet on sports. A true gambler doesn’t just put money on luck. No, a true gambler goes farther, betting it all on Tesla and AMD. Or, if you’re a real degenerate, you’re betting on stocks that aren’t even real.
This man wasn’t just going for Bitcoin or Ethereum. No, he was all in whatever Logan Paul was peddling at that moment. He had multiple NFTs, getting into multiple Discords with cut-rate digital artists trying to make it big off of their AI-generated art. And, even after losing money to complete scams, this man admitted it and asked for more imaginary money. This man was clearly on r/wallstreetbets. My quintessential gambler.
Workplace Proximity Gamblers
Ippei and Ohtani have worked together for almost 10 years. You may be close to your coworkers (I prefer to call them workplace associates), but are you their lifeline to communicate? Ippei was for Ohtani. So, using the history between them and his inability to stop betting it all on black, Ippei just asked Shohei to be a bro and go along with it all. According to a report from The New York Times:
In coming clean, though, Mizuhara made one last effort to protect himself from the law, according to two people familiar with the conversation, who asked for anonymity to discuss a private matter. He asked his patron to go along with the story that he had just told Ohtani’s teammates, his advisers and a reporter for ESPN who had made inquiries about $4.5 million in wire transfers from Ohtani’s account to an illegal bookmaker in California.
There is something disturbingly beautiful about that. This conversation occurred after Ippei came clean to the team. It occurred when all the damage had been done. And, instead of just taking the loss, he gambled one last time. The relationship with Shohei was really all he had left to keep him alive. Just like the bookies kept giving him lines of credit, this was his line of credit to avoid hard jail time. So, he gambled it by asking Shohei to just go along with it.
To be real, it seems like initially, Ohtani went along with it all. A spokesperson for Ohtani said he had wired the funds, and Ippei re-iterated that in an interview. Just, as it turns out, those pesky lawyers realized that was highly illegal and retracted everything. So, in a way, on his biggest bet, Ippei got away with it. Again, my quintessential gambler.
Also, last line I just need to give a shoutout to whichever bank Ohtani uses. Despite my SoftBank joke in the last Ohtani-related blog, the complaint says that he uses a domestic bank. And just the worst possible shoutout to that bank. The bank stopped suspicious transfers multiple times, going as far as freezing online transactions. Not once, though, did the bank ever try to get in touch with Ohtani or even verify it was speaking to him. Just an absolute masterclass.
Anyway, Ippei has my heart as the quintessential gambler. The man never let the red stop him from going all in on whatever he was doing. He legitimately ruined his life over this. But hey, now he can watch soccer 24/7 from prison. Maybe he’ll even win money on UCLA this time.
Follow Moon Stamp Sports on Twitter/X, Instagram and Facebook, and follow Jorden on Twitter/X.
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