This blog was supposed to start with me reminiscing to 2017, after realizing the US would not be in the 2018 World Cup. It was supposed to detail the stages of grief I experienced in the UH library while the guy next to me eye fucked the girl across the table. The only fucking I wanted to do was fucking end my life thanks to the USMNT. But how I really want to start is by giving you the visual of me repeatedly smashing my head into a wall until I forget about Gregg Berhalter. Until someone can explain to me why the USMNT cannot seem to win on that godforsaken island.
I think in 2024 I’m going to become a one issue voter. Whichever candidate promises to nuke the island of Trinidad and Tobago gets my vote. Because I don’t know what the issue is with that country, but the United States has an inability to win. I say this and went and found our record and against Trinidad and Tobago. (I have no clue how I’ve made it this far in the blog without mentioning the obligatory “wow it’s two countries” joke everyone has been making since 2017). I did not have a single feeling about the island before 2017. After that, I have developed PTSD and cannot here about Trinidad and Tobago without seeing gray and Christian Pulisic crying after the game.
The last three times that the US has lost to Trinidad and Tobago since 2008 – which is crazy because we SHOULDN’T BE LOSING – have come in Trinidad and Tobago. And that doesn’t include the draw that happened there. And you know what’s even crazier. The USMNT have played TT 4 times in Port of Spain since 2008 (I’m choosing this as my cutoff year because of the 2010 World Cup as the “new generation”). They have only won ONCE.
Maybe its because the field can end up looking like this:
Or may its because there must be some kind of voodoo curse going on in Port of Spain, because insane things happen when the USMNT arrives in the country. Paul Pogba once hired a witch doctor. There has to be a player or a superfan (The Chiefsaholic of Trinidad and Tobago) that is casting some sort of spell. See the picture above because those were the literal field conditions before the fateful 2017 game. If that happens in America, the groundskeeper becomes the mulch that feeds the grass.
And listen I’m no Sergiño Dest fan. There’s a reason he has been shipped around all of Europe because it seems that just like your family on Thanksgiving, you can stand them for 2 hours. But the breakdown he had on the pitch needs to be studied. I have no clue what brought it on. It feels very much so like a Tiffany Gomes setup where he just had a breakdown.
My man was seeing not real motherfuckers. Was he on an acid trip and thought the ref was a MW2 lobby where he could just Wild West his speech? And at some point I’ll figure out what went wrong in 2008. But I just can’t believe I live in a world where Trinidad and Tobago is the USMNT’s biggest rival.
Right now, I’m blaming Berhalter for this game. I think the USMNT is more stacked than its ever been (even in the 2010-2014 era that was “Golden”). We have a Champions League winner on the team. We have multiple players in Europe (I can say “we” because I’m a proud red-blooded RAHH American). But we cannot win against a team which I imagine is not stacked with the Mexico or Canada-like talent.
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Excellent write-up
Insightful piece
Insightful piece
Outstanding feature