In life there are a few constants that keep the universe from falling off a celestial cliff into full-on entropy. Scottie Pippen always playing second fiddle to a Jordan. A Disney adult working with a mostly gums mouth. But the one thing that shines brightest is Ronaldo’s love of Ronaldo.
I don’t know if enough of us worried for the day Ronaldo left the spotlight and entered the twilight of his career. Most people would’ve assumed he’d play for a club in Portugal and live his days creating flashy assists and scoring easy penalties. There was even a contingent that thought he’d come to America (spoiler: that kind of can’t happen). But in the end, Ronaldo ended up bringing his talents all the way to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, well known soccer hub.
Going Out With A Whimper
Of course, this is all in jest. Ronaldo’s career has really gone the way of Antonio Brown. Ronaldo didn’t run off the field mid-game, but he did the media equivalent giving an interview to media supervillain Piers Morgan. And then, when Saudi Arabia came calling, probably through some sort of Scrooge McDuck phone from a money vault, he cashed out and decided to end his career the best way some soccer players can: taking blood money from a totalitarian regime.
Remember when Kobe died and the prevailing sentiment was “it wasn’t supposed to end like this.” When Ronaldo left for the Middle East, it felt similarly. Not to the extent that Ronaldo was dead or that there was tragedy involved in his leaving. No, it was more like – “what has this great player become, slumming it up with Jordan Henderson, Benzema, and co?” Ronaldo was supposed to be cheered off the pitch to a packed stadium as his bid goodnight and goodbye, and retired to watch Cristiano Jr. carry on his legacy.
Yet here he is, playing with a team full of close to amateurs trying his hardest to recreate the glory days of the Bernabeu. It’s like watching a former D1 athlete show up to LA Fitness and try to outshine the 40 year old accountants just trying to play a simple pickup game. He’s at the top calling pick and rolls, yet the floor general is fighting a war that ended years ago.
We Are Destined to Do This Forever
Another constant in life is Ronaldo comparisons to Messi. In another life, Ronaldo is the de facto domineer and there is no GOAT debate. We would be robbed of Messi and Ronaldo fanboys coming up with genuinely creative insulting nicknames (ie “Penaldo”), but in that life Ronaldo isn’t a tortured character destined to have an intertwined legacy with an “Argentinian midget.”
There’s always been a stark difference between the two, their on-field antics and their view of themselves. Messi the quiet playmaker. Ronaldo the boastful narcissist. Both are geniuses with a soccer ball. Both have created moments of brilliance. But their accomplishments are not equal.
So that’s why, whenever Messi won his historic eighth Ballon D’or, and Ronaldo reacted, I knew the battle for Ronaldo’s sanity had begun. And look at how Ronaldo reacted.
The story goes that Heath Ledger lost his mind trying to capture the Joker as a character. The story of Heath Ledger is one of tragedy filled with moments of acting brilliance. I worry Ronaldo may soon become the same. A man crushed by the weight of his own expectations. A man crushed by the weight of seeing his rival, the man he will forever be compared to, continue to win. Continue to win, while he squashes his legacy in front of cameras no one outside of Saudi Arabia cares to watch.
He’s Always There
In the past week, Ronaldo has twice acted out in game. I want to focus some on the first one, because it goes with the section before. It also exemplifies how Ronaldo will forever be haunted on how his career ended.
While playing, the crowed began to chant Messi’s name. This comes the same week Ronaldo had sat watching his, what i imagine, comically large television (imagine Justice League’s lair) as his rival got a standing ovation from his biggest fan. And Ronaldo is not know for his keen sense of emotional awareness and emotional control. So he stormed off, shushing the crowd.
Now is it probably annoying to hear Messi’s name. I would guess for sure. It’s like when weird fans make a point to go up to athletes and ask them about their biggest failures. It’s like man I’m just trying to get a sandwich at Jason’s Deli (the free ice cream chaps my buttocks).
I think this is just the beginning of Messi infiltration of Ronaldo’s brain. The man is about to hear voices in his head all hours of the day. Remember in the Toby Macguire Spiderman where Green Goblin has conversions with himself. I see a scene where he’s looking at himself in a mirror (shirtless of course) and and old, disheveled Ronaldo is there yelling about how great Messi is and how everyone is laughing at him.
CR-Severed
European Ronaldo always had something to lose. He was a man who is trapped in a box of his own personal aspirations and public perception. I genuinely think he thought that the Piers Morgan interview would be received like he was one of those Chilean miners; a hero trapped. But everyone treated it like the Prince Andrew interview; a delusional man trying his hardest to make the public forget about his deals with the (Red) Devils.
And now, Ronaldo is no longer the behemoth of stardom he once was. He wasn’t the main event of the World Cup. He hasn’t been front and center in European soccer in at least 4 years. Ronaldo genuinely has transformed from CR7 to bloated, self-important caricature of the superstar from Portugal who made Sir Alex’s heart swoon.
We’ve only seen the beginning of evil Ronaldo. He’s going to become more unhinged as Messi completes his media transformation in America. Messi is already on his way to owning a team. Messi will only grow in his acclaim as he basks in the World Cup glory forever, Peter Drury’s commentary overlaying highlights. Ronaldo will sit there and watch the man who once pushed him to greatness become even greater. And he will be the guy on Saudi airline commercials. Ronaldo will be the guy trying to reclaim the man he was sure he was.
I contend in the next couple years Ronaldo is going to do something to get back in the spotlight. Most soccer players become pundits and get roasted by hosts on CBS. Others just become coaches, and some even get stuck in Saudi Arabia. I don’t think Ronaldo would be okay with any of those options. He needs to be the star.
He could have retired gracefully and realized the curtain had finally fallen on the legend of CR7. He could have returned to Portugal, watched his children grow, and grown old. But that’s not the man who had the audacity to replace an already established Ronaldo. That’s not the man with the gorgeous smile and chiseled jaw. That’s not Ronaldo.
Soon enough we will see CR7 reminding us we really do live in a society.
