Tonight, Kirk Herbstreit had me asking the most important question of the season so far: why aren’t the New York Giants playing with a giant? After Daniel Jones blatantly overthrew human giant Darren Waller, Kirk Herbstreit blamed Waller for not “helping out his quarterback.” Even though Waller is 6’6, on the run, and jumped to help an $160 million earning NFL starter’s routine pass, clearly Waller just isn’t good enough. And frankly with this game ending 30-12, no one on the Giants is good enough.
And this got me thinking, well if Darren Waller won’t help Daniel Jones, and the offensive line won’t help Daniel Jones, and Daniel Jones won’t help Daniel Jones, who will help Daniel Jones? The easy answer is to strategically draft targets and protection for Daniel, who the Giants have allowed to become their franchise guy, and then build that core into a Super Bowl contender. Or, the New York Giants can skip the college recruitment process (it’s too filled with money now and the passion is gone), and go straight to the training fields of Afghanistan.
Afghanistan, wouldn’t that be dangerous for NFL scouts? Well actually no worries I have it on good authority that foreigners are no longer being captured for ransom. And, I’ve also heard rumors of a fantastic prospect in the Kandahar region of the country. While it doesn’t seem that this guy has any Huddle film, amateur scouts have come back with reports of this guy being 13 feet tall and full of grit. At 13 feet tall there’s no way Chris Collinsworth would have to go in on him for not catching a pass. I think this guy (whom I’m naming Khandar of Grit) could be the Collinsworth “Here’s a Guy” guy of the week.
And the Giants don’t have to stop there. Once you get Khandar on the team, Matt Dodson and the good fellas over at Giants Headquarters can go to the Giants Land and get some football camps going. You know how soccer teams come over to America and put on clinics in big cities in hopes of finding the Carmelo Anthony of soccer? Well if all goes well, the Giants’ scouts could easily have the next Mothman of the Meadowlands on their hands.
I’d like to imagine fearful Daniel Jones will, knowing that Gilgatar the Mightful could at any moment decide his fleshy face would make a great appetizer for the British intruder he will be consuming later, finally learn how to play. This is Daniel Jones when his offensive line is asking him to pull an Andrew Luck:
And this is Daniel Jones when Rangar, Son of Lurrir pulls up to the game (wearing Gucci) ready to avenge his fallen family who were eaten by Sulek, the Ravenous Eagle by the ending the lineage of everyone in Lincoln Financial Field:
Imagine Torkin Ladtlow lining up opposite Xavien Howard, with the fire of Jpporiun, his Sun god, in his eyes. There’s no way that team isn’t going at least 9-8. Just a suggestion, but I just want to make Kirk happy.
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