This wasn’t supposed to be a soccer-posting day, but I just watched Darwin Nunez hit the post 4 times in one game. One of which was a penalty, something I imagine is very hard to do if you’re a top-tier professional taking a penalty. I once attended a Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest to see Joey Chestnut break a record. I was under the impression that I had seen the greatest record ever broken. Turns out I just needed to watch Darwizzy aim for everything but the goal.
At this point I am fully convinced that Darwin is cursed somehow, because it’s not like he’s a bad soccer player. He is always there, he is always creating space. Darwin even got a cross-pitch assist this game. Yet somehow the one thing is he supposed to do – score – eludes him. If I’m not wrong, based only upon commentary, he’s hit the post about 17-18 times this season. He’d legitimately be leading the Golden Boot race if he scored half of those post shots. The man is involved in everything on the pitch, except scoring.
Remember how Paul Pogba hired a witch doctor? There has to be some salty kid in Uruguay who’s mad that Darwizzy stole his spot on their youth team. That is the only explanation I can conjure up. There has to be some curse placed on Darwin that he can do everything on the pitch except score. Or, maybe everything his foot touches is then attracted to wood. Again, this is just mild speculation, I will need to contact the ayahuasca elves and discuss further.
Cristiano Ronaldo once hit the post three times against Newcastle (if I heard the commentator right), but he can’t live up to the stats put by my Uruguayan king. I want so badly for Darwin to succeed it is incomprehensible to the mind of an Arsenal fan or anyone else. I just cannot believe the history I am witnessing is Darwin hitting the post so repeatedly. Football Manager better come out with a goal during contract negotiations with bonus for hitting the post, because there has to be some goal in his contract.
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