Does the Yusei Kikuchi Trade Make Any Sense for the Astros?

I’m still in a lot of shock right now. Before I began writing this, I knew the Astros were trading for Yusei Kikuchi and that Bloss was in the mix. To me, that was far too much, given how Kikuchi is pitching. We actually spoke about this on the podcast this past week. For the record, when we recorded, I was fully under the impression that sources were just trying to get clicks.

But, instead of naming Kikuchi as some sort of pipedream that wouldn’t actually happen. Instead, the Astros have traded away their #2, #3, and #26 prospect (according to FanGraphs) for a short-term rental who will most definitely maintain his negative WAR in Houston. How far we have fallen from the 2017 deadline acquisition of future Hall-of-Famer Verlander to this.

Why in the world are the Astros even waiting until the last minute to acquire a pitcher? Dana Brown has known since Spring Training that he probably needed a new pitcher. Last week he was talking about how much the Astros needed a starting pitcher. That was his goal – not first base, not a potential Chas replacement.

And I want to start answering the question I posed in the title: it’s good for certain Astros. It’s not the Astros playing, though. With this trade, in my mind, Jim Crane has finally won against his ghosts. The old regime is officially dead; long live the new regime. Sure, the old regime died in 2022 as a power-hungry owner unexpectedly cast out Lunhow, if that power is making horrible decisions through an Astros demagogue and their more-than-willing puppet.

I know, I should write about statistics or why I think Yusei Kikuchi will be a bad fit for the Astros. He’s currently rocking a 4.75 ERA, with a 0.2 WAR. He is by no means the worst pitcher in the league, but by every measurable standard, he is below average. He has negative Wins Above Average (wins added by the average players) and Runs better than Average. Kikuchi is by advanced metrics a subpar pitcher who has more complete seasons with an above 5.00 ERA than below. He is a pitcher batters want to face. Kikuchi should not be a player for whom a team is raiding their remaining farm.

But that’s the point, isn’t it? I wrote in May about the Abreu situation (now thankfully resolved). Jim Crane has become a sycophant against himself. His own interest in owning a winning team was outweighed by his need to erase the 2017 era. Instead of the analytics that created THE Astros, a gang of roving “smell test” mental geriatrics haunt the halls of Minute Maid. “He has an ugly girlfriend,” they remark in unison before turning down a future MVP Jeff Bagwell disavows “computers” (he is unaware of what a PDF is) to Astros analysts calling for the return of Lunhow.

The Kikuchi trade is the natural conclusion of a front office obsessed with doing everything differently than the men who built the current standing of the organization. How do you erase the shameful stain? If Crane is to be believed you don’t just move on, the organization must be humiliated. This front office must make move after move that somehow is the worst possible move. The decision-makers must mentally invest in letting go of thought and rely fully on preconceived notions that end with an organization in disrepair.

The Kikuchi trade makes sense if you realize it’s not about getting better. It’s about working hard to remain willfully ignorant of the lessons of the past. Were the “dark arts” a shameful event? I actually say no, but I’m a sicko who fully believes the Astros were acting the most tame in the entire league. I don’t remember who it was recently, but the entire MLB owes a thank you to the Astros who purposely didn’t burn the entire league down.

This isn’t a blog that’s going to meet the SEO requirements or meet my usual standards of research. This blog is meant to bring up all the hatred I feel for the men at the top working to bring the Astros back to the dark days. Maybe Jeff Bagwell can’t get over the fact he not only didn’t win in 2005 but put on a disasterclass ruining his immediate legacy. That’s why he acts out on national television by grabbing tits.

The winners are actually the losers. We all sit from below and angrily tweet and blog and podcast about this decision. But when Kikuchi goes the way of Abreu, Dana Brown will go on the radio and Jeff Bagwell and Jim Crane’s hands will enter his rectum and find their way to his mouth. He will puppet the card line or whatever great line the mind of an old-school hater will come up with.

Yusei Kikuchi makes zero sense for the Astros. He brings nothing palpable to make the team better. But, it’s a win for the guys trying to fight a winning past.

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