Disclaimer before I get too into this post, I don’t feel like I’ve ever had very strong feelings about Caleb Williams. It’s not like I haven’t interacted with his presence. He was just never in my college football lexicon. Maybe it’s because he was at OU, or maybe it was because I had OU quarterbacks fatigue (especially if they’re Heisman winning). Either way I just never paid a ton of attention to Caleb Williams. I’ve seen his highlights, but I’m not intimately acquainted with him other than highlights from ESPN and to royalty free music.
Last night I didn’t actually didn’t watch the end of the USC-Washington game. I watched the first half, but my brother asked to play Fortnite, and that was more important to me. And so I turned off the game and got destroyed by Goku and Tyler Blevins. I learned later on Discord about Caleb Williams crying in the stands.
Crying in the Club (Seats)
I actually didn’t want to watch the video initially. I would have rather stayed ignorant and made fun of Caleb Williams for wanting an ownership stake. Side note, genuinely ridiculous ask. The only person I could see remotely giving into that is maybe an owner who genuinely does not care anymore and wants the team to burn. I also wanted to continue to group Caleb Williams with Lincoln Riley so I could hate on those Tom Herman-level traitors. So I didn’t want to watch the video to keep with my own perception. And I knew it would make me feel badly for Caleb.
I just didn’t know how much it would affect me. I like to make a job that my happiness, especially during March, relies on guys from the age of 18-22. It’s a funny joke, mostly because everyone remembers who they were at that age. They were idiots. They had zero clue what they’re doing. I especially remember that age, because I was so lost for so many years. I would also contend I am still at a complete loss of what I’m doing.
Then I watched the video and didn’t realize how much Caleb Williams was crying. He wasn’t crying, he was sobbing. And there he was just hoping to be embraced by his mom, in what probably felt like one of the lowest lows of his football career. He was supposed to win a National Championship; why else did he follow Lincoln Riley to USC? In that moment, it was all gone.
So he sobbed. And I think most of us would have felt exactly the same way. I have felt exactly the same way.
Reckless, Young, and Famous
I do remember seeing this tweet from Caleb Williams.
And sure, it does look terrible, and it’s incredibly easy to dunk on him for the tweet. In another life, I’d be bookmarking the crying video to absolutely dunk on the man when he threw his first NFL interception. Then I remember that he was 20 years old. Sure, am I making an excuse for a guy who’s making millions of dollars? Yes, I am. But I did the same thing to Justin Bieber whenever he went through that completely rebellious phase.
Hell, I went through my Facebook page years ago and just had a slew of deletes. Not because they were inherently bad, or vile. The posts were just so cringey. And they weren’t me anymore. I’m not going to sit here on some golden throne looking down on a 20 year old. Hopefully someone told him to grow up.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t point out there are hundreds of these same exact reactions, most from grown men who drive trucks but work in an office. They should know better. They should be the ones we’re dunking on. Twenty year olds make incredibly dumb mistakes. Caleb Williams is just famous enough where a simple “lol” will be remembered forever.
Superstar Masculinity in the Age of Jason Whitlock Types
So after I watched the video, I made the mistake of going on Twitter. And when I do I see this type of tweet from just a stellar sports commentator:
I also saw Nick Adams hating on Caleb Williams, but I still cannot tell if this man is satire (which makes his tweets about foursomes with the boys so much funnier). But go look at the comments on this tweet. And this tweet. Go look at the comments on the RGIII tweet. All these grown men in Oakleys saying snowflake, undraftable, this generation, blah blah blah. I know RGIII was on his side, but that dude is slowly working his way into Chrissy Teigen territory in terms of being generally annoying on the internet.
Caleb Williams is 21 years old. When I was 21 years old I realized that my life was going in a completely different direction than I had envisioned. I had a breakdown in my car outside of my dorm and thought I had failed miserably. In that moment all I could do is feel the weight of failed expectations crashing down all around me in this fortress of hope I had built up.
And this is what makes me genuinely angry with the way this reaction is going. Caleb Williams has worked incredibly hard to get where he is. Is he kind of annoying at times with his reactions on the sidelines? Yes completely. But there’s this thing in our cultural zeitgeist where we decide between passion and immaturity. And Caleb Williams have landed on the side of immaturity. Which I see how he acts around his teammates when failure occurs. (There’s a part though where I find it hard to blame him. USC’s defense is the same concept as the Loch Ness Monster. People want it to exist, but it’s just floating wood).
I can only imagine that’s where Caleb Williams was last night as he jumped up into those stands, just trying to let it out with the people he felt safest with. It felt like one of those moments where the paparazzi is accosting a pop star who’s final hit their melting point. And I just don’t think this is the moment to be completely dunking on a kid. (You can say he’s an adult. Sure he can die in war. He’s 21; we were all 21. I was a kid at 21). Calling Caleb Williams undraftable and using boomer terminology just further shows that this confine of masculinity for those who gave up introspection years ago.
Stranger to Progress
I really haven’t told anyone this, but earlier this year I had a panic attack so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. It was one of the worst moments I’ve experienced, and it was all because I was so completely overwhelmed by the idea of the future. I wrote this piece reflecting on growing earlier this month. And it meant a lot to me, because even at 27, I a still completely overwhelmed with this feeling that I have no idea what I’m doing.
This blog could be seen as a complete, blanket defense of Caleb Williams, but it’s not. I tried to recognize some of his failures as a leader. Nonetheless, the reaction to his crying has really affected me, because I empathized with his moment. I still call or text my mom every day, and a lot of the time it’s because I genuinely need to speak. I’m very much in this phase where I’m trying to figure out how my life is going to turn out. There’s a now deleted blog where I hope this blog turns into something bigger.
The internet is not going to soften how it looks at Caleb Williams. That video will be bookmarked forever and retweeted and shared every time he fails in the NFL. If he doesn’t go in the Top 5 this April, people are going to dog him. But I don’t think we should.
I don’t see Caleb Williams as less of a man because of that moment. I don’t think he should be denied a spot in the NFL because of that moment. It was a genuine human moment with a 21-year old who has finally seen one of his dreams vaporized. Some will say life’s not fair. And yeah you’re right. But that doesn’t mean that sometimes you wont have to sob alone deal with the loss of a dream.
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