Hands in the air and cards on the table, I have a confession to make. I genuinely love watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Not in the “I hope they find love” way, but in the, “Oh this is what those well-produced ISIS videos were getting at” way. It becomes way more interesting when you watch the show from the perspective of a game and not reality TV. There is a whole podcast, Game of Roses, dedicated to understanding the show from the perspective of a game. It’s like Fangraphs, but for people interested in the lives of clout chasers. All this to say, I hate watched The Bachelorette.
This is a sports blog, so there is a tie-in here. See, here at Moon Stamp we are offensive lineman respecters. The most overlooked position in all of football; you never know they’re there unless something goes wrong. I don’t remember who it was, but there are no great stats for o-lineman, so the most you can say to them is “great pancake.” The Bachelorette has been inundated with lame position players who all had their ego inflated by years of football coaches treating them special because they run quickly. Which brings me to my man Brett.
Brett played Division II football at Millersville University. As you can see there are no stats for this man, because offensive lineman, as stated, are the most overlooked in all of football. Not only was he a lineman, he was a center. The center is to football as the catcher is to baseball; incredibly important but overlooked by their win/loss colleague.
For those of you not in tune with sports. not only does this 6’3, 300-pound monster have to be a physical specimen of beef, he also needs to be incredibly intelligent. Some are saying that Brett is the full package for any woman who lays their eyes on him (he will block out the sun). I’d like to imagine Jenn describing him like Sandy Cheeks described an Alaskan bullworm. He also transitioned from defense to offense showing he is an unselfish king who can protect his queen.
Sadly (spoilers), Brett not only didn’t make it past night 1, he only got 13 seconds of screen time. ABC’s callous treatment was on full display as the sports media treats him and his positional kin. Maybe it is because he enveloped the Bachelorette like he enveloped quarterbacks while playing defensive line.
Just like Michael Oher, Brett was blindsided by the producers of The Bachelorette who have the power to make him stay. The show is a farce dedicated to propping up a fantasy of love instead of actually allowing itself to be what it is: a psychopathic experiment with a slew of sociopaths who probably think they can be president. For a moment, if Brett had stayed, I would have bought into the righteous fantasy. Linemen are also usually the kindest of all; they have the least in terms of strength and masculinity. Brett invoked images of all the linemen I have known who in person are the nicest humans, and crazed animals on the field. I could have believed in love again. I sure believed in the splits again.
There’s really not much to say about this man, because truly, we never got a chance to know him. Again, the powers that be (including a pretty boy quarterback who played like one game in the NFL for the Giants) have looked over the most important people. All that pain to be given a watch by the QB at the end of the season. Justice for Brett. And even more justice for all offensive linemen.
It’s not a full loss for Brett; at least he has prospects.
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I like this post, enjoyed this one thank you for posting. “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” by M. Kathleen Casey.
Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome.
An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think that you should write more on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but generally people are not enough to speak on such topics. To the next. Cheers