At best, I’m a fairweather fighting fan. I’ll tune into something like the Craig Jones Invitational all the way through because it’s historic and I think Craig Jones is who I’d be as a grappler. But, when it comes to the UFC unless Jon Jones is embroiled in a controversy (likely place for him to be) or it’s a McGregor experience, I will not know it’s happening. I’ll sneak in and watch the fight, still unclear how rounds are scored or if this is just a Spotify-bought ad for the Joe Rogan Experience. Last night I tuned into the O’Malley versus Dvalishvili fight at the last minute, mostly because I hate O’Malley and am a reformed Sphere hater.
Also, the “Noche” theme was incredibly cool. Kudos to UFC for putting on a theme night, like it’s a junior prom (I say this all in a good way).
Though I just implied I only know of Jon Jones or McGregor, I also know of Sean O’Malley. During my hate watches of NELK videos (in the hopes of Hasbulla showing up again. Even if I hate them, I love that little guy), he has appeared way too many times. I find his entire existence to be a grating experience. He has the physiognomy of Diamond Supply Co. “Ok nerd he could beat you up in a fight.” Yes, and I can explain why I think Mariano Rivera is holding the Hall of Fame potential-unanimity hostage. We all have different skills in life.
I know nothing about Merab Dvalishvili. Until last night I had never even heard his name before. Two points: first, his nickname is “The Machine.” As a Bert Kreischer hater before it was cool, anyone nicknamed The Machine is a threat to the safety of this country and should be sent to live under the Denver Airport. Second, he’s Georgian, and I always enjoy when Americans satirically make an Atlanta joke and Europeans cry. That’s about where my knowledge stopped. I could have guessed he was an expert wrestler, though.
Again, I need to make it very clear that I find O’Malley just annoying in general. Not until after the fight (I will get to that) have I ever found his whole schtick enjoyable. I also know he’s been blessed by Dana, which makes me dislike him even more. Dana White wants so badly to be the WWE with fighting credibility that he routinely puts up guys with the worst personalities as his projects. So, I was going into the fight, hoping O’Malley would lose and embarrass himself in the UFC Sphere-athon.
I actually really enjoyed the fight, but I am a sicko who loves watching some great wrestling. A solid double-leg takedown? You’ve made me swoon. That’s part of the reason why I was willing to tune into O’Melly versus Merab (it’s so much easier to type out) even though it was past midnight and I was ready to get some dreams in about Josh Allen winning a Super Bowl, or Tua and Tyreek finally getting it together. I’m also writing this because I’ve seen stupid tweets like this all day.
There is no video of O’Malley’s walkout, but I swear it was like Saka lining up for that penalty at the Euros. There was fear and doubt. So at that point I locked in hoping this would all be worth it. I should have known it was going to be an incredibly funny fight when this happened:
Not even 15 seconds into the fight, and not only is Merab ready to fight the Suga-corner (free name for a Sean O’Malley candy shop), but the announcers get confused. Herb Dean (a good friend of pass interference-calling refs) calls “excessive coaching”, something it seems none of the commentators have ever heard of. Tim Welch of grape juice fame and MMA loserdom, apparently claims he said this:
We may never know. The moment really set the tone for the entire fight, as Herb Dean begged Merab to “work” even though he was doing all the work like a $20 prostitute. (I hate Herb Dean). But from then on, the fight was dominated by a newly minted US citizen who loves takedowns and messing with really annoying swingers.
The second thing I found amazingly entertaining was the back kiss. Merab had decided that the only Suga that Sean was getting that evening was from him.
Listen I was going to sit and talk about the incredible balls to do this in a cage fight, and when called out for it by Herb “Chiefs Referee” Dean just backed away. But what I am most interested in is the fact that Merab saw the camera and then decided to make direct eye contact during the kiss.
This is kind of showmanship just cannot be taught. Did you see the video from the past week of Trump just instinctively finding the camera and pointing? Say what you want about the man, but there is a star quality in that kind of action. And Merab, here does the most important thing a gladiator could do – he entertains.
Those were the two high points of the fight, but the entire thing was funny. You had Merab dancing while goading O’Malley to do more, even though Sean was clearly exhausted. You had Sean’s corner clearly realizing the fight was over by the 5th round. And most importantly, you had Herb Deab acting like a UFC officiating hack blasting Merab to do more, even though he was clearly up 4-0 at that point. I mean it when I say Dana has favorites.
I had fun for the time I spent watching this. And Sean O’Malley somehow made me laugh a day later, which made me believe in miracles.
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