When Will Jake from State Farm Appear on a WNBA Bench?

I may be about to hit way too deep of a cut, but during college, I really enjoyed South Park. I know, at this point, there is a bit of cheuginess to that, but for some reason, those seasons were just kind of hitting my brain. But, one of the characters from one of the seasons (I refuse to research for this introduction) was an ad. From my memory, the character was revealed to be an ad implanted into everyday reality; that’s really all you need to know. This whole spiel leads me to this man – Jake from State Farm.

Jake from State Farm legitimately scares me. It’s not because I know anything about the man behind the proverbial insurance mask. Not even because I have anything against State Farm (even though I think it’s only natural to hate mega insurance companies). I’m more afraid of him because there is no way he won’t crack at some point. Remember when the Kony 2012 went crazy and started jacking it in the middle of the street? I imagine Jake from State Farm is slowly trotting down that same path. Because he has become this insurance mascot who’s mandated to be everywhere.

There have been a disturbing amount of times in the past year that Jake has just shown up in a video. There’s just no way a human brain can handle detaching personhood so much. And it’s not a celebrity costuming for their role (like John Cena), or Ryan Gosling playing up the Kenergy on a press tour. This is a man separating his identity from his physical being. I also looked it up, and this insurance mascot has 305,000 Instagram followers. I ask this nicely, what is wrong with any of you?

For those of you more in the know about human advertisements in media, you might ask, “Hey Jorden why didn’t you use Subway from Community?”

First off, great reference. Subway is probably the best prediction for future human advertisements. At the time of watching it (which was way too long after Community ended), I did feel that sense of dread. Like, oh this is basically a blueprint for what’s going to happen in the next 10 years. Little did I know it wouldn’t be someone desperate for money, or a city that could maybe use a million, but an actor who went to an audition. But second off, Jake is not some in-real-life spouting shill. He’s just a walking insurance advertisement. His presence is the advertisement.

So, why do I bring up the WNBA? Why not the NBA? This kind of is a two-pronged theory, both of which deal with Caitlin Clark. But, the first prong is probably the easiest. For some odd reason, Caitlin Clark is best buddies with Jake from State Farm. I understand getting that NIL bag, but am I crazy for being weirded out by how close State Farm is pushing him to be with her? Like are they having conversations, or is he like an Ole Miss booster who brings bags of money every time he sees her?

Take for example his random presence at an Iowa game (also, why was Travis Scott there? If he loves Houston so much he should go to Houston women’s basketball games).

Or when Caitlin Clark got drafted, and the first person she ran into was Jake, for some reason.

Or when her first pictures after getting drafted were with Jake, again, for some reason.

I can’t be the only one who thinks this scenario is bizarre. I need to know how much money she’s taking in to have her moments celebrated with an insurance mascot. Again, sis, get the bag, but that bag is being infiltrated by a D-list celebrity who is a worse Flo from Progressive. And he isn’t even the real Jake from State Farm; he’s an impersonator.

The second prong requires a few more leaps in logic, but stick with me. And it kind of goes to the last tweet from above, sent from the official Indiana Fever account. The WNBA is not a league that makes money; we can talk about why, but it just isn’t. So, how do you maybe get some funds from an insurance company that gets away with a lot because of K-street lobbyists? That’s right, you integrate their mascot into your games.

But, how do you do that? Well, remember the Kelce mom picture from above. It was a subtle product placement. Why not put Jake in a similar position for a league that is going to get a lot of newfound attention? Those first Indiana Fever games are going to draw millions of eyes. Imagine if the Fever gets to the playoffs.

That’s why I am fully of the position that Jake from State Farm will be on the bench for a WNBA game in the next year. He’ll be at the end of the bench, and no one will pay attention to him. But every time that bench gets a pass from the ESPN cameras, there will be Jake. A subtle reminder that State Farm sells insurance, and are you getting the best rates for your home insurance? And he’s already kind of integrated into the WNBA.

And the Fever, the WNBA, and ESPN get a bag from a company with, probably, unlimited money. And Jake from State Farm, whatever his name may actually be, is stuck in memory purgatory forever. Except, no amount of prayers from grieving relatives will save him. He will forever be an insurance mascot.

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