I consider myself a vaguely happy person. Vaguely happy only because I’ll listen to “I Know the End” on the way home from work while I try not to let the small town cops I disagree viscerally with concept of speed limits. I’m obviously happy at times. In 2017, ten year old Jorden’s pain of watching Jeff Bagwell swing past every ball in the World Series was finally given leave like I was in a Dickens’ novel. Or whenever I finally learned my parents had made up my older brother who they shipped away (I’m a victim of psychological torture). But I don’t think I will ever feel the same joy Nathaniel Hackett did on Sunday.
To start, the man got to captain an NFL team. That’s right Nathaniel Hackett has captained an NFL team before we figured out where that Malaysian flight is.
And you know why Robert Saleh did it. To just fuck with Sean Payton. And give Nathaniel Hackett the payback he deserves after it turns out the Broncos are a trash organization. Listen, I’ll be the first to say that Hackett is kind of a corndog of human being. He has the feel of the equipment manager in high school who all the players like because he just has a genuinely good vibe. He named a practice drill after Goldmember; I have never met someone who loves Austin Powers and could also win in a fight. With all that said, I think Sean Payton is a dickbag of a human.
And the thing with Sean Payton is he’s running the Kevin Sumlin gambit for coaching hires based on quarterbacks. Turns out when you have a generational quarterback, you can smooth over a lot of coaching rough spots that may come out if you’re dealing with Russell Wilson on a daily basis. I also found this post from 2009 trying to defend Sean Payton’s lack of defensive knowledge. Turns out it wasn’t a secret weapon that only works because of lack of talent(???). No it turns out Sean Payton is actually just a hack, creating one of the worst defenses ever, statistically.
This isn’t to say Hackett didn’t have problems while running the Broncos. I’m still not sure he’s aware how an NFL clock works. His player management skills work for a guy like Aaron Rodgers who’s currently communicating with a Lenape spirit. His player management skills don’t work for guys who think hugging it out is something you do when you’re trying to choke the 350 pound lineman out in the dogpile. But he’s a genuinely good guy. And that’s why his reaction on Sunday makes him happier than I’ll ever be:
In 2019, soccer coach Jose Mourinho said getting second in the Premier League with Manchester United was one of the best accomplishments in his career. Looking back, it may be a miracle Nathaniel Hackett was able to go 4-11 with the Broncos before they fired him.
To make a feel good story even better, Robert Saleh pulled an all-time bro move by kicking Sean Payton in his (possibly nonexistent) dick while he’s down.
It’s little things like these that can’t help but make me root for the Jets. At some point I need to write a post about how I’m rooting for my favorite Mormon quarterback. But for now I’ll settle for redemption, even if it’s only for an afternoon.
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