The Celtics and American Teams are World Champions

Posted on June 23, 2024June 23, 2024 by Jorden

Something must be in the water globally because the rest of the world is being really snippy about sports. I’m used to seeing Europeans have terrible sporting opinions. “‘Ey right blud yous call it soccer,” a word they actually invented.* But, what I’m more concerned with is the weird narrative formed on Twitter/X this week that the Celtics are not world champions; according to online contrarians, they’re only NBA Champions. The title of this blog is somewhat clickbait, but let’s be clear — the MLB, NFL, NBA, and NHL champion is the world champion.

This past week on Twitter/X Europeans (I am blaming them) got a little too talkative online. After the Celtics became NBA Champions, they, rightfully, posted the following graphic.

2024 WORLD CHAMPIONS 🏆 pic.twitter.com/31HoRn2LOd
— Boston Celtics (@celtics) June 18, 2024

As much as the Boston hubris is making me consider becoming a British loyalist, they are the best team in the world. A Mavericks win would have caused me city-rivalry pains, but now there are a bunch of drunk Northerners who mistake their team’s success for their own. With all that said, anyone who thinks that winning the NBA only makes a team NBA Champions is in need of genuine mental help. But there were a slew of community notes hitting on the same theme:

This community note is also wrong. It means the FIBA Intercontinental Tournament.

Noah Lyles and his consequences have been horrible for this world. You get one American out there saying “World champions of what,” and Europeans and the rest of the world rally around that like it’s a fact. I cheer vehemently for every American, no matter what is happening. Except for Noah Lyles; I hope he finishes last constantly. And if you see his whole quote, it’s even dumber, because he’s comparing world track competition to the NBA. Buddy, no one thinks Kristaps Porzingus is representing the American spirit. Here’s a video I made about hating Noah Lyles.

I should’ve included Kurt Angle.

Closer to LeBron

While I don’t give Lyles and his weakling supporters any leeway (because he’s American), I can find some empathy in my heart to give Europeans and the rest of the world a little wiggle room. As a man who watches a lot of soccer, I understand why someone not from America wouldn’t understand the NBA’s dominance. Or any other of the top 4 leagues at that.

In soccer, specifically, the best teams are definitely from Europe. The winner of the FIFA Club World Cup has been European 20 out of the 24 times; the 4 other winners were always South American. But, there isn’t one league that is the best. I think there’s a solid argument between the Premier League and La Liga, with the Bundesliga and League 1 having their moments. Even Serie A is kind of back after the Italian football exodus of the late noughties and 2010s. But that’s soccer; that’s not the NBA.

Brian Scalabrine once said, “I’m way closer to LeBron than you are to me.” He then, as a man in his 40s, went and destroyed amateurs who should be in their athletic prime. Every story you hear about an NBA player, who even played a year, showing up to play pickup ends the same way — he’s so much better than anyone. The NBA is the daddy of every other league in the world; there is no competition. The NBA retirees and rejects go to other leagues, and hey guess what, they dominate.

Reminder: These guys aren’t trying.

Remember how Europeans were all over the not-world champions thing because the Celtics haven’t won the World Tournament? Well, they can’t. Because FIBA doesn’t even invite them to the FIBA Intercontinental Cup; the G League gets invited. The NBA isn’t invited because it would be monumentally unfair to every other team invited. Even the players at the end of the bench would murder Lenovo Tenerife (the champions from 2023 (I) – I don’t know why they’re having two). It would make the Tenerife airport disaster the second massacre to happen on that island.

The reason the Celtics can say they’re World Champions without question is because no other team would seriously play them. Like, it would be genuinely silly to watch the Celtics beat up on some poor team from South America. Instead, the rest of the world plays the Rio Grande Valley Vipers (curses be on Daryl Morey). All I’m saying is that the community note-makers genuinely do not know ball.

World Champions

This new “hate on American athletics” trend is fascinating because it is only backed by European hubris. They watch a player like Messi come over and dominate the MLS and think, “that’s how every league is.” I saw there was a game between the Mavericks and Real Madrid (the basketball team). This was a preseason game, and Real Madrid beat the Mavericks 127-123. And hey let’s give Real Madrid their flowers what a win.

Oh wait, Kyrie didn’t play? A Luka played for fewer than 5 minutes? Because it was a preseason game in October for players still hoping to land a roster spot. And obviously the foot was taken way off the gas in the fourth quarter. This game, though, was legitimately used by mentally deranged Europeans as a litmus test for the NBA not being that great. Their best response was a pre-season game where starters weren’t playing because it wasn’t worth their time to tie their shoes. And I can bet Luka only played because he wanted to give the European crowd some facetime.

Basketball seems to be the only one of the top 4 American sports with a club competition. This is fully fair, because a football club competition would be between America and Canada, and the American teams would pull their starters before halftime. We could even throw 2022-2023 TCU out there for Georgia revenge. (Side note: I am also under the impression that Europeans cannot comprehend American sarcasm. The country of Georgia is playing at the Euros, and multiple Atlanta jokes have caused full-on aneurysms for the European commenters). Further than that, any club competition between an American team and a non-American team would be like that time Jacob DeGrom threw in the minor leagues.

Jacob deGrom is throwing 102 MPH…

Someone send help.
— Palm Beach Cardinals (@GoPBCardinals) May 20, 2021

Outside of club competitions, it seems hard to actually gauge anything. Because the best of the best usually don’t play. Any FIBA international tournament is going to consist of eager rookies and college players. There’s a gridiron football tournament; I genuinely can’t find a name I’ve heard of that has played in one. (Side note: There is currently a U20 tournament happening). I don’t know enough about hockey to comment. Baseball doesn’t count because of that Benedict Arnold Lars Nootbaar.

Final score from Commonwealth Stadium.

United States 86-12 Panama

📷 USAFB pic.twitter.com/6pUa7cOapv
— Int’l Fed of American Football (@IFAFMedia) June 22, 2024

In all this, I just find it ridiculous we’re even having this conversation. It’s part Noah Lyles and part little brother syndrome. The Celtics are the best basketball team in the world. The Chiefs are the best football team in the world. The Oilers/Panthers are about to be the best hockey team in the world. And as much as it pains me to say this, the Rangers were the best team in the world.

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*Remember that Melissa McCarthy skit on SNL where she was Sean Spicer and said “that’s your word,” repeatedly? That’s all I can think of every time someone from that incestuous island complains about our word usage. 1776, or something. I may hate Gregg Berhalter, but at least he’s not complaining about filling the hole Graham Zusi left behind.