I rarely ever do game reviews on this blog, because for one the market is oversatured and there are guys who are writing way better reviews than I ever could. But secondly, I like focusing on the bigger picture; the review is for talking about a larger narrative, like Dana Holgerson. But that game had me distraught. It wasn’t the fact that Jason Kelce should be arrested for attempted assault of the entire stadium. It wasn’t even for the fact that Patrick Mahomes continually did that whiny thing where if everything doesn’t go his way he makes the same face a toddler does before a tantrum. No, I am distraught because the Bills just didn’t play well in any sense. Josh Allen let me down. Sean McDermott let me down. The Bills let me down.
I am fully under the impression that every football fan has been trying to find the same high as the 2021 AFC Championship game. It’s like that one college memory you constantly want to relive, but you’re 45 and know it’s just not coming back because everything hurts when you get up and your wife and kids expect you to make sure the Amazon packages keep arriving. It was the perfect encapsulation of a singular football game. Pro wrestling fans endlessly debate on what the one match is to show someone to introduce them to pro wrestling. NFL fans were given that game, with the perfect storyline, the perfect actors, and the perfect circumstance (it was more important than the Super Bowl).
Mistakes, Mistakes
This is the proof I called exactly what was going to happen on defense.
There’s only so much you can do when half your secondary is out with injuries, a few are only playing because it’s the playoffs, and Patrick Mahomes was dipped in the river Styx as a child and his weakness is Jackson and competent refs. I mean the Bills’ injury report was basically The Brothers Karamazov.
Mahomes may be a crybaby on the same level of Steph Curry, but that man can slot a pass between two back up safeties. For some reason, Sean McDermott motivational speaker and 9/11 expert, didn’t think to try and stop Mahomes. I would have told him to pull a DeMeco Ryans gambit and just have Ed Oliver and Von Miller nonstop rush Mahomes (it worked for Peyton Manning). But that probably would have also worked because while Kyler runs like a toddler, Mahomes scrambles like one. Also, Kelce II annoyingly got 75 yards. I say annoyingly because as a Chiefs hater its annoying he’s still so good. Oh and Kermit got 215 yards.
Speaking of QBs, Josh Allen somehow threw for 186 yards? I ask it as a question because I cannot remember a singular downfield throw. There’s this one
And the Diggs one that he missed (his fault) and the last second touchdown chance, but those weren’t caught. I don’t know if Bill O’Brien was hired as the offensive coordinator, because the number of screen passes was offensive. Did they work? Enough, because the Bills receiving corps realized the Chiefs defense cannot see the football if it’s within the set of downs (mostly thanks to Khalil).
Also there’s a reason I haven’t mentioned Tyler Bass’ wide right. First, he shouldn’t have really been put in that position. Second, God is punishing Buffalo for something, maybe for worshipping a golden icon of Peppa Pig or naming a food dish after the city.
Dollar Dollar Bills
You know how certain movies are Oscar-bait? Like the Green Book was only made for Viggio Morganstein to finally win an Oscar (I think, I wrote this sentence with no research). I genuinely think Sean McDermott put Damar Hamlin (or the actor who plays Damar Hamlin) in for the fake punt to secure Comeback Player of the Year. Joe Flacco was getting a little too close after that 4-game performance. My vote was for him to be honest. Anyone who comes back on a Southwest flight (I didn’t research) is my kind of guy.
There is no world where that makes any sense. And listen, no offense to the reborn Damar Hamlin, but he’s on the team because he died. Buffalo would cut him if they could, because there are definitely better players who could take his place. There are better players who could have taken that run
What makes me the most sad – this was the last chance for a second. Sure, the Bills will continue to be good, but they’re going to have to figure something out. Because the cap space for 2024 looks like Lehman Brothers after it balanced its finally sheets.
Last year I wrote about how Josh Allen was breaking my heart. Turns out, like any co-dependent relationship, I’ve gone back to him and he let me down again. Any way that was my review. Let’s turn it over to Sean McDermott to close us out.
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