The UH-UT Game was the Worst Possible Outcome for a Dana Hater

Jorden

I haven’t been shy about the fact I am a proud Dana Hol hater. I was calling for his head on a platter a couple weeks ago. I’ve been calling for his head on a platter for months now. And I expected to be able to give an “I told you so” after Texas murdered the UH team last Saturday. But, for me, a Dana-hater, Saturday’s game was the worst possible outcome.

I had expected, going into the game, for UT to just bitch slap Houston like pimp Wayne Brady. I expected every UH player to have to go up to Quinn Ewers and say “thank you for the beating daddy.” I was even half convinced we were going to see the arrival of Arch Manning, the savior of college football and worst security professional.

Not only did that not happen. Not only did Quinn Ewers not finish the game. And not only did UH keep the game close after starting so badly I went to the store. All that happened. And then Dana Holgorsen was given the most important lifeline any dying coach can ask for; Dana was given an excuse.

The Spot

I’ve considered becoming a ref in various sports just to see if I can be better than them. I was actually a licensed soccer ref for a year there; it was fun but damn I am not a runner. But I don’t need to become a middle school football ref to see what a stellar performance the refs gave to gain entrance to whatever the blind version of Gallaudet is. I saw a tweet after the game that said something like “oh so that spot was as horrible as it looked from my seat.”

I think overall the refs put on a disasterclass (I’ve seen the videos of Houston players holding; we get it they don’t know how to block, I could’ve told you that).

But they could’ve at least spot the ball correctly, so that Dana can’t go back to Chris Pezman and say “well I would’ve won.” They gave Dana a moral victory. He was even able to say what he’d do if he had actually scored a touchdown. I actually believe him, because he has a history of going for 2 against Texas.

I’m just annoyed that it even got that far. My time with Dana Holgorsen has felt like that Shaggy song – it was always someone else’s fault. This probably felt to him like when you speed past a cop going 50 in a 35. Or when you remember you brought your AirPods to work, so you don’t have to listen to your coworker yell at her mother on the phone about rain. But now, when he blames someone else it makes sense. It’s the kid in school who thought he was way smarter than he was because of GT classes getting a question during test-review Jeopardy right. It’s the embodiment of this picture:

Can UH Playcall Now?

I’m also highly annoyed because all the talk of the ball spotting has taken away a discussion on that last play call. Why the actual fuck, in the year of the Tush Push, are we throwing on 4th and inches? People were literally calling for Jalen Hurts’ death, and with a 6’5, 280 pound QB UH isn’t Tush Pushing? Donovan Smith stands on his tiptoes and he’s over the line for a first down.

What’s even more annoying for me is that the game was actually called really well. The defense was able to make key stops, and limit Quinn Ewers from going full sicko mode. They even let Donovan Smith show off his arm, and they did so a lot. Since the beginning of the season our run game has not worked (I realize I say “our” or “we” in reference to UH; I agree its lame). I’ve also wanted to see Donovan Smith actually throw. For some reason Dana and the rest of UH waited until this game. This is the best tweet I can find showing one of the most impressive calls from the day.

If you watch in the beginning, someone on the sidelines realized something and changed the play. I don’t know if it was Dana, but given how critical I’ve been of UH’s offense, I’m going to give someone their props. And this happened a couple times throughout the game. I was genuinely surprised someone at UH had started playing checkers instead of looking like me play Go (I do not know how to play).

But then there are moments like this, which just show someone as incompetent. At that point just pay Big Hawk to show up to games and steal signs (I don’t think Michigan did anything wrong tbh).

Legal Excuse

This is going to be a short section because anyone who thinks this is dumb as fuck. The Review Ref who went to UT Law isn’t the reason UH lost. No one cares that much about their law school’s sports teams (source: I went to law school). If he went to UT undergrad maybe, but probably not. Literally be quiet and blame the real enemy:

In conclusion, I’m mad at UT for letting UH bed good. I’m mad at Sark for being the better drunkard coach. And I’m really annoyed Dana got the ghost of Regis Philbin to give him a lifeline.

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