Does Deion Sanders have the most manned security?

Jorden

I think we all know that the hottest man in sports at the moment is Deion Sanders. This may be the only sports blog that has somehow neglected to mention him in any capacity, other than any blog that’s associated with Florida State (see the Travis Hunter incident). To make up for that the title for this blog is unnecessarily bad just so it includes Deion’s name.

Even Coogfans.com (a site dealing with the leadership of a vodka red bull drunkard) had a thread talking about bringing Deion to UH. I imagine every other fan site is also asking this question, even though Deion barely scraped past a pretty terrible CSU team filled with fatwa-ed receivers.

But that’s not the point of this blog. The point of this blog stems from this postgame interview from last week:

Apparently after the death of Yevgeny Prigozhin, Deion Sanders is now in charge of the Wagner Group. Deion is riding fully cocked with enough big, meaty men that a Golden Corral would sound the battle trumpets on their impending approach. Deion is rolling so heavy Sisyphus is rolling him and his crew up forever. The Deion Security Squad is so jacked they’re being pulled off the market by the FDA for being literal meth.

Quick side note regarding Deion and the Wagner Group: if I had to choose one college coach who could run a mercenary group, and then turn on its employers, it’s a pretty even tie between Deion and Jim Harbaugh.  

The reason I wanted to write this blog is because that clip of Deion got me to ask: which college football coach is the most protected? Honestly, I’ve never paid much attention to how much security a college coach has around him during the postgame interview. So I’m starting a series. The “Which College Coach is the Most Secure” series. Quick set of boundaries: no bowl games or Playoffs games; there will obviously be more security there.

For this iteration of my security all-star search, I chose the top three paid college coaches. You’d imagine that if a school is paying a coach a lot they’d want them protected. While I wanted to find postgame on-the-field interviews from the last week that turned out to be a lot harder than expected. So I’m just finding any interviews, or on-the-field postgame videos I can.

Nick Saban

Realistically I don’t think Nick Saban needs any protection from police officers, because if anything ever happened to him at least half the state of Alabama would take up arms and do what needed to be done. If bin Laden had killed Saban I’d say it’s about two weeks before

While nowhere near the crew Deion is rolling with, Saban isn’t an unprotected man. The two dudes in front look like they could be in those Marine bootcamp videos yelling at eighteen-year-olds to get off the bus. The guy in the back never really comes to the forefront, but from his look he reminds me of that one mousy guy from Breaking Bad.

Overall, not that impressed with Saban’s boys, but he’s seemingly protected from all the sides he can’t see – his blind sides. Maybe he’ll sue these officers in like 15 years.

Kirby Smart

America’s least favorite man in a visor is surprisingly on his own when it comes to threats against his life. Genuinely, given that he keeps winning Georgia National Championships with future insurance salesmen, I’d imagine the University has an interest in making sure no one attacks him. (I am assuming that college football coaches have the same life security as Russian politicians under Stalin).

Not to insult a man doing his job, but the security that Kirby is rocking with should not make him feel comfortable. I’m still an advocate that coaches should be the least athletic person on the field, and Kirby Smart is being protected by a man that seems significantly shorter than him. I’m not saying I’m a threat to Kirby Smart, but I am not intimidated by his single security man. He’d genuinely be better off being protected by the actual Kirby.

Dabo Swinney

I imagined that Dabo would actually have Young Life leaders protecting him, or his sons that were on the team for some reason (I get some sort of nepotism, this is a Deion Sanders-entitled blog. But Dabo’s kids, who’s names I don’t know and won’t research, are no Shedaur and Shilo). But Dabo comes in a very clear second in the college coach security rankings.

I mean just look at that protection. With that kind of protection Trojan is about to sign Dabo (and that’s okay because he’s not Catholic). He has at least two uniformed cops who look like they could suit up and play as a DB. And there’s that one Clemson Secret Security guy who has his hand on Deion’s back like an insecure boyfriend. No one is getting to Dabo’s body or blood.

As the science continues to evolve, so will this experiment. I will keep the list updated as I see more coaches giving more postgame interviews. But right now, Coach Prime is in the prime position in terms of man meat protection.