“Actually two games were close and the Mavs won a game.” No, the Finals weren’t close. Even in games 2 and 3, I never thought the Mavericks were actually challenging the Celtics. The Mavericks were a two-man team, where one of the men was scared by Bostonians, and the other thought he didn’t have to play defense. Retroactively, I wish we could bring the same energy to Luka that we brought to Zion about being fat. Oh sure, the man is an offensive machine, but he’s not playing defense. And if he stays on the court too long, it’s like watching that chubby kid run fields in middle school as a punishment for not losing a game. Except the kid is eating Nutty Bars at lunch his mom packed, and Luka has enough money to pay someone to slap food out of his hand.
Most of America going into this series wanted a seven-game slobber knocker that displayed the best of both teams. But this is not most of America. I was not a neutral to this game. If the Mavericks had been in any other city, I’m in on the seven-game series. But, I need everyone in Dallas to suffer.
This blog has kept no secret that I hate Dallas. Dallas is a city that is way higher on itself than any actual person is. The city contains no cultural relevance and has no culture itself. Maybe if you believe a flock of consultants who believe going to a new bar every weekend is the pinnacle of culture, then sure Dallas rocks. But, in reality, the city lacks any sort of soul. Mark Cuban is the perfect face for the franchise and the city, who insider traded, but got away with it on a technicality. A man who ostensibly does nothing now because he sold the team, but likes to maintain face by pretending he provides any value to the team. (I really hate consultants). The city is nothing and will continue to be nothing because its entire aura caters to someone whose personality never developed. The definition of auraless. Just like Luka talking trash.
So, to me, this was the perfect outcome. The Mavericks were never in control of the series. The one game the Mavericks actually won was because I’m pretty sure the entire Celtics team was in the process of a competition. The competition was for the lowest field goal percentage in Celtics history. Or the team wanted to subject Kyrie to one more Boston visit. Watching the game, I legitimately thought that the Celtics were throwing to win on their home court. Actually, sorry, that is a narrative I should have started.
The Rangers went and bought their championship. The Mavericks based everything on Luka being happy and Kyrie being normal. The team then decided to push an offense fully reliant on those two against a super team. Jason Kidd is riding the Steve Kerr high of having some great players (I still see him as a failed Nets coach). The Stars lost to a team about to get murdered (who also took a game off). This is what the city deservesâpublic embarrassment in the championship. Actually the city has a history of the (DFW, not just D). TCU getting murdered by a drunken 26-year-old is delightful.
Also, I now hate the Mavericks and the city more because they gave Jayson Tatum what he wanted. I’m adding this to the terrible tally of things that the city has done, including the Astros-Rangers Hurricane Harvey incident. I’ve been pretty clear that I think Tatum is under the impression he is Kobe. Thank whatever deity Kyrie prays to that I have not seen that stupid-ass Kobe pose every half-wit athlete does. With that said we had to endure that cornball trying to create a viral moment.
This is actually the Mavericks’ fault. And they deserved to lose. I have created the Losers’ Paradox. Anyway the entire city sucks, it was funny watching them lose, and they deserve it. Also, the Finals sucked. Do something, Adam Silver.
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