I was genuinely incredibly excited when I heard the United States was hosting the 2026 World Cup. I was a little less excited when I found out it was going to be played across three countries. Don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of a game being played at Stadium Azteca. Not only do I like it, I think it needs to happen on worldwide tv. I want to see Drake wearing a Team Canada shirt and transfer from Kentucky Basketball to the Canadian CDM. It’s still three countries, though. And America is already like four European countries one. It already felt like a logistical nightmare, given that in 2014 there were already questions about travel. So can someone tell me why the 2030 World Cup is being played on three continents.
It’s actually not as bad as it sounds. It’s still weird and terrible but for different reasons than the three continent conundrum. Only three games are happening in South America – and they’re opening games. Those team will all fly over to Iberia. It doesn’t make sense.
This isn’t the official reason, but I can you Messi’s leg insurance that the reason the South Americans got a game in is because of Uruguay. The first World Cup in 1930 was hosted by Uruguay. Obviously, the World Cup has gotten incredibly world-altering since then, so it just makes sense to do a beautiful full-circle dance. So why not just give it to Uruguay? Or let the triple bid of the South Americans host? Why do this three continent shmorgishborg of a tournament.
World Cup Automatic Bids
Whenever a country hosts a World Cup, they automatically get to play in it. It’s always fun when a smaller country hosts – think South Africa, Qatar, etc. – and you can tell their players are going all out in that first game. They’re not going to win, but they’re going to make you believe they can beat Argentina. And if the odds are crazy enough, they’ll do it and everyone will lose their mind because the little guy won. Or you get a situation like in 2014, where the cameramen put on a clinic in watching kids crying.
Automatic bids rock when its one nation. Maybe even two or three with the new World Cup format. The 2026 World Cup will have 48 teams, and only 3 automatic bids. That doesn’t feel like an overbearing amount of automatic bids. The whole point of the World Cup is that the best of the best (of each confederation, don’t get me wrong) play each other. That’s why it’s so enjoyable to watch; I’m watching Neymar and Heung-min Son on the same pitch, which is not a thing that will ever happen outside the World Cup now.
Six just feels like too many. That’s more than 10pc. Would all these teams make the tournament without the automatic bids? Other than Paraguay and Morocco, one thousand percent. And even Paraguay and Morocco still have good chances. We’re entering Too Many Cooks territory.
And Here’s Your Host(s?)
Hosting is always a cool experience for the nation that plays that first night. But it’s not always cool for the other nations in the confederation. See, whenever a country hosts the World Cup, the entire confederation (i.e., UEFA, CONCACAF, etc.) can’t host the World Cup for two cycles. This makes inherent sense because it is the world in the world cup. They can’t just act like CONCACAF that decides to host every tournament in the United States. So, after the 2026 World Cup, a North or Central American nation can’t be up for hosting duties until 2038. Do you see where this is going?
There are six world confederations: AFC (Asia), CAF (Africa), CONCACAF (North and Central America, and the Caribbean), CONMEBOL (South America), OFC (Oceania), and UEFA (Europe). After 2026, CONCACAF is out until 2038. After this week, CAF, CONCACAF, CONMEBOL, and EUFA are all out. That leaves AFC and OFC for 2030.
No one from OFC is going to win the bid. Australia was in OFC and fucked off for a conference that it won’t be the only country in that region not known for being full of Hobbits.
So that leaves AFC. And right now there is one known bid: Saudi Arabia.
Saudi Verses the World
This move by FIFA is genuinely comically evil, because they’re handing the 2034 bid to Saudi Arabia like a head on a silver plate after a public execution. It’s no secret to anyone that Saudi Arabia is working its damndest to sportswash itself. It created a whole golf league to help Phil Mickelson pay off his numerous debts (justice for Rory). Saudi Arabia is doing its best impression of Chinese soccer a few years back and buying every player willing to take as much money as possible (the Neymar “The Prince Who Never Became King” edits made me emotional). It even got the WWE to sign a billion dollar deal, which led to the UFC and WWE becoming one entity (kind of). Saudi Arabia literally owns Newcastle United.
And, on top of that, the Qatari World Cup went really well for Qatar. There were a few moments of slight contention like when Grant Wahl died (and I still think it’s cosmically unfair he won’t be here for the 2026 World Cup), or when Messi wore that shaw. But overall the fact that the World Cup was in Qatar wasn’t a factor in the coverage during or after the World Cup. So like China testing how the world responds to Ukraine to see if Taiwan is finally prime real estate (Jorden Note: come back to this and change it to Chinese Taipei in 2030), Saudi Arabia saw the test run of Qatar.
And Saudi Arabia is already becoming a soccer hub. The Saudi league now has Neymar, Ronaldo, World Cup winner N’Golo Kante, and Karim Benzema to name a few. Jordan Henderson is also there. Saudi Arabia is hosting this year’s Club World Cup. Saudi Arabia is hosting the 2027 AFC Asian Cup. They will have the infrastructure. They will have the star power. And they will have the backing of FIFA. You see where this goes.
Why would FIFA include the South American countries in the 2030 World Cup bid? Is it Uruguay? Or are they teeing up the one nation that really wants to host a World Cup? The one nation that is trying to build a sports empire to hide the blood empire in the background.
Is this maybe a little crazy? Sure, but it’s FIFA. This organization makes mediaeval Papal corruption look like God’s work. They would sell their grandmother to put an extra dollar in their oversized pockets.
Warmbookers
FIFA announced that all other AFC and OFC nations have 25 days from October 4th to get their bids in. Australia and New Zealand might be. Southeast Asian nations might bid. That genuinely isn’t enough time. And it makes even less sense to have this hard of a deadline for something that won’t be chosen for at least a couple years.
In 2013 Jimmy Conrad created the Warmballers conspiracy, alleging that UEFA was heating up balls for its Champions League draw to create the best groups. It wasn’t a conspiracy, it was real. It’s time for Warmbooks, because those FIFA books are incredibly cook.
Make sure to check out this week’s American Soccer Review.
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